On Blogging

I really cannot believe it's the middle of December, and my last entry was in September as we were beginning the kitchen project. We're still working through the kitchen project. It is not done yet but it was so worth the wait.

Here is a photograph of the kitchen as it is now. We're very excited about it.

I think one of the reasons I don't blog as much--besides not having enough time--is I don't get that much interaction with people who read the blog. I would love to get some comments to make sure that what I'm writing about resonates with people. Yes, I have been told about a particular blog entry but I want to see it in writing. I have been writing for a long time now; and although I tend to rely on my internal approval ratings, getting some type of feedback will be helpful. So, for all of you who read my blog, please put a note--good, bad or indifferent. Blogging is social media. It's supposed to be interactive. Without interaction, all I have is a website.

One of my new acquaintances is trying to break into the world of writing. I think it's great, and she should go for it, regardless of how discouraging it may seem. Before I first got into the business of writing in 1996, I used to send out script after script, article pitches, poetry pieces and job solicitations. It was rejection after rejection. But you have to believe in yourself. Believe what you have to offer is unique, and believe it is for you. It pays off in the end. I had made a pretty decent living as a reporter, editor, writer, freelance reporter and now, supervisory public affairs specialist. It is worth it.

On Dealing With Insufficient Time

I can't believe my last entry was in August and we're at the end of September almost. Like most of my peers, I'm still working through the time issues--especially with having a full time job, a hubby, kids, side job, volunteer projects, the home, the cooking, the cleaning. Note that i put cleaning last. Always my sacrificial lamb. It's just not enough hours in the day. And sometimes on some days, you just want to do nothing. I love the "I don't want to do anything song." I wish I had some words of wisdom for others, but I know I'm over-extended; and it's like an addiction. I'm addicted to being busy, to having something to do, What is it in my DNA that makes it impossible for me to just not do. Unless I'm sick or completely drained, I keep going. Take right now, why is it I'm up cooking stewed chicken? Actually, my oldest came back for a visit from college and I'm sending him with some down home Trini food in addition to Costco supplies. Plus we have to clear out the kitchen as we have a major overhaul of the kitchen in our 1937 colonial. That's something to look forward to but I'm putting some additional items away. We're almost there. And I'm taking in "Jesse's Girl" on pandora, best invention. I tend to be a big believer in if you don't use your talents, you lose it. Therefore, I sign up for activities where I can hone my writing, editorial or public relations skills. So, there is a reason behind it. But I have to say, taking a mommy minute is underrated. You do need a minute from your reality. Do whatever pleases you for half a day or an hour or a full day. My getaways include full aromatherapy massages. Recently, since I can't get away for an hour, I do a chair massaage 1 buck a minute. But I'm so charged. So alive. Helps to retool my brain cells.

At 40, You Stick With Your First Love

As I mention in my bio, I'm always going to be a journalist. It was what I wanted to do when I first met Dominic Kalipersad, a Trinidadian anchorman, who came to visit my elementary school, Arima Girls RC, sometime in the early 1980s or so. I remember being very impressed by him, and wanting to be him.

So, pretty much, all the subjects I chose in high school for the fourth and fifth forms were related to my future journalism career. At 15, I even told the counsellor that's what I was going to do and he said, good subject choices--especially typing, Spanish and of course, History. Unfortunately, my high school, North Eastern College, didn't really have a working magazine or newspaper that I could cut my teeth on. However, I remember being part of a group that was trying to start one. I do remember the naysayers in my high school who said I won't be journalist, that I'll just work for the BOMB, Trinidad's version of National Enquirer. No credibility. Good thing I didn't look back.

At the University of the West Indies, too, I got heavily involved in any publishing and printing I could volunteer for. We didn't have weekly or monthly newspapers but we did get involved in newsletters and zines, etc. It was a good learning experience.

My first gig in journalism was with Black Diaspora Magazine in NY. I stayed there about five years, during which I earned my master's in journalism from Columbia University in 2000. At Black Diaspora, I started as an associate editor, moved to managing editor then executive editor within five years. Talk about fast. But it was a solid experience as I didn't only have to write stories, but I directed the flow of stories through the magazine each month; I managed the freelance writers and photographers; I worked with the art direcotr in closing each issue per month; worked on covers; themes; photos. It was a fruit to nuts operation. And the publisher, Mr. John-Sandy always told me I was ahead of the curve with my sponge-like mind; and that not many people could work through an entire publication from start to finish. I took it as a compliment. One of the best parts of working BD was the press junkets off to Hollywood to meet Blair Underwood, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Ice Cube and of course, Quentin Tarrantino, Sam Jackson (I got a story about that one), and more. I enjoyed the travel writing in countries like Aruba, St. Martin/Maarten, Tobago, Jamaica, St. Lucia. But I wanted more. I started out the same time with my girl Deborah Gregory, who was writing for Essence, I believe. We were all kind of starving artists, but now she's the author of Cheetah Girls, my daughter's all time fav. Big ups to my NY sister. You done good, girl. I also met P-Diddy when he was still Puffy. And my girl, Mariah Carey, who admitted her name is Mariah Nunez, in the most Latino sounding voice I've ever heard. She picked a couple of us journalists to come and eat some pasta that she cooked. My girl could hook it up.

It was a good place to cut my teeth, so to speak. It was a good way to spend my 20s; I got mad memories of it all, kind of tucked away though. Soon after that, I headed to Washington, D.C., to be a reporter with the Washington Afro American in June 2001. By December, I was the editor. Sigh. I was really enjoying the reporting in the community, pen in mouth, notebook in hand, prodding and probing, hitting my deadlines. Again, I was put back in a newsroom to do closing of issues. It was good that I made relationships with the folks at Channel 9 as I had to there every other Thursday to talk about that week's Afro. Big ups to Andrea Roane and Mike Buchanan. Of course, I met Bruce Johnson, Janet Terry, Ms. Drummond and a whole bunch others. I still feel a major part of your family, even though I'm in a whole other direction. But you're still the best in my eyes.

Wanting to be a serious political reporter, I accepted the American Political Science Association Fellowship (APSA) on the Hill. It gave Dick Cheney, Joan Claybrooke and a couple of others their starts. I worked in Rep. Robert C. "Bobby" Scott's office, where I met Larry Dillard who opened my eyes to the "dark side" of public relations, more specifically government public relations. I learned about the press release and media relations from him. Plus, I was able to combine how PR people treated me as a journalist, and was able to combine that with what I do, and then some.

Between then, and now, I've worked as a PR person for a Councilmember, a mayoral candidate; as an editor for a contractor that had a government contract; freelance editor and writer; and public relations and communications professional. And of course, I have my own business, Invisible Colours LLC.

Now, I'm a public information officer for a District of Columbia government agency and I'm able to take all those experiences and pile them into one. But I haven't given up writing. I still freelance for East of the River newspaper. The above link is my latest story.

Fierce, Fabulous and Forty

It's a funny thing about turning 40. It's as if there's some secret club or organization that women who turn 40 and who know your age, greet you a little differently. Just this morning, I got a greeting by another just-turned-40 woman, "welcome to the club." I've never been greeted like that as a 30-year-old. It's almost as if there's a premise, that you don't truly grow up until you're 40. Hmm, that's interesting. I always thought you never really knew yourself until you're 26. And self-discovery is the path to self-fulfillment, growth and of course, maturity. So, I guess, I truly wasn't matured until this past June 16 when I hit the big 4-0. Ha Ha. That's really funny, if it is so.

But so far, I've become more reflective. I've found myself to be discontented with certain areas in my life, and contemplating how to change some of them. I don't want to be stuck on stupid for not moving forward or back. But at the same time, you're always concerned about making changes, and their consequences, good or bad. I think it's good to think life through, with all its nuances and quirkiness. I'll take the good, bad and ugly and work through it all with God's guidance of course.

Today, was my daughter, Taleyah's first day of school. My big girl's in second grade. It was really great seeing the other parents. We were all there, walking our little munchkins to class. One mom told me, "I'll probably be doing this until he's in college." Dakota doesn't start Maury until this Thursday. DCPS wanted to ease the preschoolers in, a little at a time. So, that should be fun this Thursday as well.

This is the first time, too, that we didn't have to drop Nicholas off to school for the first day as he's already in college. Classes started since Aug. 18. I felt a little tinge there. My big boy's now a man.

A Woman of Fortytude

This week, Sarah Brokaw, a psychologist and daughter of journalist Tom Brokaw released a book called Fortytude, which delved into the women turning 40.

She examined how we're thinking we're 26 in our heads but our bodies and our clocks say otherwise. Women seem more valued in their 20s. By the 30s, you're getting married, raising the kids. But in the 40s, you get a chance to reinvent yourself. You begin to measure some of what you've done--feeling successful or lacking. By 40, we have to realize we may be mentors for the younger women who're navigating the complicated business world.

On some level, by society's standards, I have reached a measure of success. However, there are still areas where I feel like a failure. But according to Brokaw, give yourself a break. The Today Show has been doing several pieces on turning 40-and how Generation Xers are embracing it all the more than our mothers have. 40 isn't old as it used to be. 40-year-olds are running marathons, companies, kids, carpools--making the best choices for themselves.

I have some photos I need to put up from my 40th birthday. Laziness in my butt. But I'll get it done.

On The Day

This is it. Today's the day, June 16, I've been blogging about and waiting for. And it's a darkish, rainy-looking day  outside. God has blessed me with his rain. I feel completely blessed by the love enveloped around me. Not just by my family--my hubby, Antonio, and our three kids, but also by my friends on Facebook, and my extended family. That's a great thing about Facebook. Your friends have this ability to really make you feel loved and special. And they're all special for it.

Today, I feel good. I'm very happy to be part of the new 40s club. I'm excited about the possibilities. I'm happy about Vickey's Kitchen, as it's a launch to a new phase in my life. I'm not leaving my day job just yet but I'm embarking on a new journey that celebrates my "Trinidadianness." One of my buds already want to buy the hot sauce. Five bucks a bottle you all.

I had to work today as I was off for the last two weeks. Each year, I keep saying I need to take off the day as my focus isn't as it should be. I want to go see Jumping the Broom, but I'll do what I have to because I really like the job and my colleagues.

So, here's to the day. Thank you, friends for following my journey. It doesn't stop here. I want to continue exploring this 40-year-old self.

On the Day of My Party

Big day today. I'm introducing Vickey's Kitchen at my shindig, while the real Vickey's here with us. I'm up way too early on a Saturday. But I'm ready for the 40th party to get started. Let's roll.........

The Countdown Continues

I've been remiss in keeping up with my writing. This blogging is some work. I'm not always free to pen my thoughts and yet, I feel guilty when I don't. Gee.

Anyway, it's now June 9, about a week to my June 16 birthday. I'm hosting my party on June 11, so I'm very excited about that. I haven't had my own party since my surprise 18th. What a long time; I've hosted for the kids, for the hubby, my parents and others. Not really my own. So, I'm hoping for perfection but I'll settle with lots of fun with my friends.

I plan to introduce my venture to them and hopefully, they'll become regulars of Vickey's Kitchen. It's unique idea, having people come to our home to learn Trinidadian and Tobagoian cooking. And I want to focus on organic cooking. So, Vickey's Kitchen will be in full swing as I'm consider myself a natural didact. It's not in my nature to just cook for others; but to offer them the opportunity to learn for themselves as well.

So, on June 9, here's to the countdown to my birthday. I'm embracing it for what it stands. And I live my life with goals to carry me to the other side. I realize to live a full life, it must contain goals and aspirations. Otherwise, you're not living just existing.

On the End of the World

Really? So, a preacher, Harold Camping, claims that the end of the world was going to be May 21, 2011. So, that would have really sucked for me and my blog if I couldn't finish this and reach my 40th birthday. Geez. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/11/may-21-2011-end-of-the-world_n_860670.html#s277304&title=May_21_2011

Lots of people bought into it. The day was supposed to be the rapture, when God's chosen few will be picked up and taken to heaven, and miss the trials and tribulations coming with the end of times. Quite a few sold all their possessions, ran up credit cards, quit jobs, made amends, dropped a few. It was serious. I have never seen anything like this. I heard of a few Maryland folks who gave it all up; others spent life savings to put out end of world billboards etc. Wow.

It's now May 24. The world's still intact. I'm still here; and still planning. However, Camping says he's off by five months, so we look forward to another end-of-world drama on Oct. 21, 2011. I thought I read in the Bible that none of us, not even Jesus, knows when God is coming back. Last night I watched the finale of the new NBC 4 television show, The Event. That looked like an end-of-times saga when aliens returned to reclaim our planet--all 2 billion of them.

Above, I've inserted a YouTube video that says the end of the world is actually December 2012. I guess we'll see.

The Countdown is On

Whew, the countdown is on. It's less than a month before the big 40. Whew. What's changed? I've finally colored my hair (gotta hide these grays), I got my nails done, and I'm working out to lose some extra pounds. Man, they come on like I don't know. And they're slooooowwww to leave. Geez.

But my outlook's great. I'm loving life, and enjoying all God has offered. Life is good.

On June 11, I'll be having a cocktail party--nothing too fancy--just some friends to help me celebrate the next decade of my life. I'm excited. This is a month of celebration too. My daughter, Taleyah, turns 7 on June 4, and my son, Nicholas, will be graduating from Gonzaga College High School, on June 5. After that, we'll throw a barbeque/cake and ice cream party for them at our home. I want to keep it simple, not have too many people and just let the kids enjoy their time.

On Friendships

This is a hard post for me to do as my heart is heavy as I write. I've come to this conclusion that I'm may not be a good friend. I always thought I was. It took me almost 40 years to realize maybe I am not. These are the characteristics I thought made you a good friend--being compassionate; being available when needed; non-judgemental; fun; friendly; making time to check in on friends; being able to hang out on a moment's notice; allowing them to give the friendship on their terms, and just being there; I thought these are the characteristics that would give the friends you need. Now, granted, I have lots of guys I consider good friends. No one can beat the notion of a terrific guy friend who's only interested in you on a platonic level. God bless them. You could call him and talk for hours, and it ain't a thing. That's my buddy. I have those.

But there's nothing like a girl friend--one who you can be yourself with, lose yourself with, and just be able to share secrets of love that you can't share with spouses, significant others, kids or parents. That's the part that breaks my heart. I thought I had those types of friends--those cadre of terrific women I'll call on for conversation or to hang out, or just to touch base. I do have a couple of new friends where we're now developing our friendships. And I have some really old friends I've reconnected with, and we're slowly building back up what we had. But recently, I've been disappointed by a couple of those I thought were friends. You know, your girls you could hang with and be yourself with.

Granted, I don't think I'll ever be one of those women who other women think of first to help them. That may be my fault. I keep thinking maybe because I don't share my pain enough, other women may think I'm strong and I have it together. But I don't. I still need their friendships. I still need their strengths to carry me through the rough times. I still need their love. I don't think anyone will ask me to be a godmother. And that's ok. I can deal with that. I don't think I'll be that woman that other women feel they have to tell everything or that they have to surprise me with a gathering or anything like that. I can accept that I may never be that type of woman. I am close to 40 after all and the only surprise party I've ever had was when my little sister Terry Ann threw one for me on my 18th. I don't think I ever told her how much it meant to me. I'm definitely not the first woman people call to a group setting. Reminds me of the times when I was sometimes the last one to be picked for rounders. At other times I was captain, and other times, I was first one picked. It varied. But that feeling of being the last one picked. LOL, no fun.

Besides these, though, I did think I would be the type of woman that those who I think I'm close to, will at least check in now and again. See how I'm doing. How I'm holding up. How life's treating me. I've had so much going on that I would love to share. And then, they keep me abreast of their goings on. I love hearing about other people's lives. I love their stories, especially my single female friends. In my mind, I don't pass judgement, and I don't think I say anything. As I said, I allow people to come at me with the level of friendship they want.

I remember there was this one woman I met and we became good good friends--spending time at each other's homes, spouses and all. We even attended a wedding together. But then, it got a little crazy. I think she began to obsess, and we had to cut it unfortunately. I haven't forgotten her. Just wish her the best. She did tell me this: "Never Make Someone a Priority In Your Life, If You're Only An Option In Theirs." Poignant. Interesting.

I've always been trying to find that "perfect" female friend, the one who is truly a friend--a true friend. I must be doing something wrong because I'm reading people I think are friends but who may not be. And more often than not, many of them have let me down. I always tell my hubby there are certain women we interact with that I truly love, and that I admire. But it seems like the feeling isn't mutual. They don't seem to want me around that long, even when I think the conversation's going well. Don't talk about their husbands. All the wives talk to my husband in long conversations. And it's cool to me. But I could hardly engage their spouses except for a hey, what's up. One or two of them, maybe, might talk for five or 10 minutes. I don't get it. That's so confusing to me. I don't bite. All I'm seeking is connections and friendships.

Maybe I seek too much from friendships. And maybe I'm seeking things they don't really want Sometimes I wonder. I've even prayed many times for the Lord to send me good friends--those who he wants in my life. I realize their value. I wish they could see mine. Maybe I seem needy? Critical? Overly Judgemental? Harsh? Boring maybe? Stale? Awkward? Bad Conversationalist?  I'm at a loss because these are the very characteristics I try not to display. Yet I do know some women who display these personalities, and they have true friends. Maybe it's enough to just have the "friends" on FaceBook without having that interpersonal connection. So, then, why is there a big hole in my heart from what seems to be the loss of a very good friend. Maybe, this is God's answer to me. And I am confused. I wish I knew the answer I seek.

On the Capture of Bin Laden

What more can I add to a story that has been covered from every single angle. After a decade, the US has been able to capture and kill public enemy number one, Al-Qaeda operative Osama Bin Laden, the mastermind behind Sept. 11, 2001.

Although I'm happy for President Obama who has done what no other could, I'm also apprehensive and afraid of the retaliation the death could bring. Granted, we were responding to his attacks but still, it's very nerve racking to be in the front seat of history for this. I congratulate President Barack Obama for having the courage to give the go-ahead to the Navy Seals and for his courageous leadership. Now, we wait to see what it means as the Republicans try to recreate the narrative. I've heard that the current administration was only carrying on what they did. (Yeah, after Bush said in an interview he wasn't interested in Osama.) That it was just the soldiers who did it. (Right, every soldier needs a leader, and they follow orders.) And that the President's 2012 reelection is not a forgone conclusion. (I couled hardly wait until 2012 for his reelection. 2016, Repubs, consider it then.)

It's an interesting day in our history, May 1, 2011, which will forever go down as the day Osama Bin Laden was taken down by the United States. It's the same anniversary day as when President Bush said mission accomplished in Iraq.

On the Royal Wedding

Sigh. I'm not ashamed, I watched the royal wedding between Prince William and Catherine Middleton this morning. I actually woke up my six-year-old Taleyah to come with. :-)  I remember watching Prince Charles and Lady Diana get married back in 1981 with my mom. I was home from school I think. But this morning, we had a small window of opportunity to watch it as we were getting ready for work and school. Very romantic and magical. My youngest, Dakota, was also entranced. She watched it after she got up. When she saw the dress, she's like, "the princess, the princess," pointing at the tv. How did she know all this? And Taleyah was watching intently. Mouth open.

In retrospect, this is what most little girls dream of--to be like a princess on her wedding day. Or to just be a princess, like Tiana from Princess and the Frog. The last time I was talking to Taleyah about getting married, I took a decidely modern approach. I didn't tell her, after they were married, they lived happily ever after, like most of us heard. Such a myth. When I was younger, I always said that was a misconception. I just told her, after they got married, they continued to live and to work through the rest of their lives as happily as they could together. It's not always going to be happy. There are challenges to live through. You have to decide which challenges are worth it and which aren't. But you have to make sure you're equally yoked to the one you're with, and everyone has to be on the same page. Happily ever after gives the impression that nothing ever goes wrong, and you smile through it all the time.

But that's the reality of our lives--its challenges, its joys, its sadness, its ups and downs. I was happy to see William find the love he was looking for, especially with all that he and Harry have been through--especially with the loss of their mother.

In terms of the wedding, I liked the top bodice of Kate's dress by Sarah Burton. I thought the bottom seemed a little plain. She could have put some of the lacing below, but all in all she was beautiful and well put together. I liked her maid of honor's dress. The kiss was a disappointment--way too short. For some reason, it looked like she was pulling away for the second kiss. In comparing theirs to his parents, I think I read where about half an hour before they got married, Prince Charles told Lady Di he didn't love her. That was devastating. What was she to do. She loved him; plus she was 19, a young bride. In kissing him, her neck was over-extended for the kiss. Prince William's was a little too. But in looking at their body, both their belly buttons seem to be outward, more focused on the people not so much facing each other. I wonder what Janine Driver would say. She's the body language expert who says to look at people's belly buttons to see where their interests and hearts are.

On Death

One of my good friends, Larry Dillard, just died this week. He was only 59. I met Larry when I was a 2002-2003 APSA fellow in Rep. Robert C. Bobby Scott's office, and Larry was the scheduler and press secretary. I credit Larry as the first person who had me thinking that government public relations wasn't the "dark side," as we're led to believe in journalism. I had left the Afro when I met Larry and he gave me a lot of opporunities.

Generally, for Mr. Scott, I wrote speeches, and did research on the legislative topics he did such as the budget and the judiciary. My largest project was working on the Iraq war, showing it was the wrong war at the wrong time. But Larry showed me how to write the press release, and he allowed me to craft quite a few. He had me tag along to a couple of press events with him. He was the quintessential spokesman. This weekend, I'm heading to Newport News, Va., to say good bye to an old friend. My fellow Gemini. I'm riding with some other buddies. I think it's easier to share the time with others.

Just this past March would be the last time I would see him. I had a monthly dermatologist appointment, and after I left, I headed to CVS. Who should I see but Larry hanging out by the prescription counter. We sat on the chairs and talked old times for a little under an hour. It's like we had nothing else to do. We were both relaxed and chilled and just talked old times, what's next, retirement, my son heading to college, and everything in between. That brother was full of info, life, and everything else. Since I left Scott's office, whenever Larry saw me, he would stop, say, hey, how's your husband? How're the kids? That's Larry. Thanks, Larry. God's speed and blessings on you. A true friend.

That's the hardest part of getting older. As I continue on the journey, more and more people I know seem to die along the way.

On Aging

I find that as I get older, certain things that irked me, no longer get under my skin. I can't think of an exact example at this moment but I will soon. That's another thing, I find I'm getting forgetful. Sigh. That's one thing with aging, the body betrays you. Is that a knee pain for the umpteenth time? Man. And why is my hair thinning out? You think your body will stand the test of time, but like a car that gets old, the body needs maintenance and updating. My poor little 2003 Rav 4 is having a hard time at it.

And why at 39, do I have fine gray hairs sticking out. Geez. I didn't think that was possible. Time to whip out some dye. Blonde anyone? The ironic thing is, as I get more comfortable in my skin, it's getting older, and is holding up less and less. I'm only going to be 40. I wonder how older women in their 60s to 80s make out?

On Family

Yesterday, my inlaws came to spend some time with us. My nephew was promoted in the Army and his parents, uncle, sister, nieces and friends visited our house for the afternoon. It was pleasant to spend the time with family I don't get to see often. But I also got a chance to cook some curried chicken, channa and potato, and some rice. It was topped off with my mom's hot sauce--to die for hot. And we shared some chocolate cake my brother and sister-in-law brought over.

Got me thinking of the blessing that is family. I also marvel at this interesting dynamic of where I fit in on the family continuum. In my married family, I'm one of the "older" adults because of my position with my hubby. He's the youngest of the four siblings, and even though I'm now going to be 40, my hanging peers are my brothers- and sister-in-law who are all well closer to 60 and 70. They are so engaging with the stories and the banter back and forth. Antonio's niece is over 40 and is already a grandmother, and his nephew is a couple of months younger than I am. But because I'm Uncle T's wife, I'm still Aunt Michelle. I marvel at this dynamic especially when it comes to the family I was born into, which is much bigger than my married family.

My mom is one of 10 to a mother who still is one of eight. So, I'm one of the older grandchildren with children. I'm about to have an 18-year-old who's heading to college. So my cousins will be my peers even though I'll hang heavy with my mom's siblings who were much younger when I came about in 1971.

The interesting thing about family is these roles we get to play, and at times the dual and triple roles we may have to play when in different situations. For instance, when I was growing up, when it came to my mother's family, my sister and I were the oldest of the cousins as my mom was the oldest. With my father's family, we were the youngest as he was the youngest of his four brothers. And we got to play these roles as older, wiser caregiver when I babysat my two-year-old cousins when I was 14. Or we get to whine, we want gum, when we were with the older cousins on my dad's side. They were the caregivers.

I can sit back and reflect on these minor roles I've had to play. I'm not sure which I preferred--the opportunity to be the bossy older cousin or the whiny younger one. Each has prepared me for the more flexible and grown up roles I've had to adopt as an adult as wife, mother, reporter, writer, friend, volunteer, public relations specialist, editor, freelancer or just plain Michelle B. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl inside doing all this role playing, although the rest of the world sees me and says I'm a grown a.... woman.

On Kids

This is music by my oldest, Nicholas, who was born with a musical ear. He's been playing since he was about seven or eight, starting with the steel pan. He is in the East of the River Steel Band, and will have the opportunity later in April to perform at the Levine School of Music's gala. He teaches himself the bass and electric guitar. Now, he's the drummer for an alternative pop punk band, The Yums, with his bff Alex Zelloe. They're both in Florida today, touring Disney World with the Gonzaga Symphonic Band. They'll be playing at the music festival but had an opportunity to run around in the theme parks, Disney and Universal Studios.

To say I'm proud is to say the least. What's so great about Nick is he's teaching his little sister, Taleyah, to play guitar. She has a small guitar, which he uses; but he's teaching her the notes. He could take his music far; and I'm here to support him in as far as he'll like to go. He's also a footballer so he has choices.

http://www.myspace.com/yumsska

A Novel I've Been Working On

Like most of my peers, I'm working on a novel. Only difference with me is, I've been working on it since 1998. Below is a piece. Let me know if it peaks your interest.

FOR THE LOVE OF JESSARA

Two spirits in search of one another

Finally reunited while traveling through

the African Diaspora………..

The smells and the sounds of Africa seemed familiar. Jessara Ruth looked around at the dusty ruins but could not put her hand on it. She had been here before. Her spirit lived here. She might have been bound in the chains of slavery as she left on a slave ship. She folded her arms in front her breasts and shivered a little, as she stood in a former slave holding in Elmina Castle in Ghana, West Africa. Aaruellen Walker walked up behind her, gently touching her shoulder.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes, this is like deja vu,” she said. “Ghosts walked on this spot, and I feel my spirit was there with them.” He didn’t laugh.

“Well, you know our ancestors believed in returning to our origin,” he said. “I’m just touched that I made this journey back to Ghana. I feel as if I’m home.” She smiled at his back as he walked away, heading toward the rest of the crowd they were with.

“Welcome home, my brothers and sisters,” said their guide, Kwame. “Welcome home, Akwaaba, Akwaaba.” Aaruellen looked through the crowd at Jessara and smiled. They met five days ago on this trip back to Africa to celebrate Thanksgiving. About 60 or so other Black people from America and the Caribbean made the exodus to the Motherland.

What I've Learned. What I've Discerned

The difference between what I've learned and what I've discerned is that learning is what I'm told, what someone said. Discern is what I've been able to conclude or decipher.

Here goes.....

I've learned that to keep the crisper in the refrigerator clean, I should add a paper towel at the bottom, and then put the fruits and veggies on it. It'll keep the drawer clean but for some reason, the stuff lasts longer.

What I've discerned is that I'm an idiot that I never thought of that before. How simple was that? A housekeeper mentioned it to me.

Another thing I discerned was don't knock anyone's knowledge base. You never know when you might use it.

Three Months Left

Yesterday, March 16, was exactly three months before the big 40.

I thought blogging would be easier. But I find that many days will pass by before I even log onto the computer to add another entry. However, it has been fun doing this. I will like to start another but I really need to continue working on this one.

So far, 2011 has been defined by many disasters. My sympathies to the people of Japan. I cannot imagine the devastation. The dead birds and fishes that keep coming onto shore since last year really have me wondering. The crash in the economy, the political meltdowns in DC, and the other stressful indicators point to end times. I'm not a naysayer or gloom and doomer but really, what is going on?

Continuing the Conversation on homelessness

I saw a news package on Channel 4 two nights ago about a former DC school principal, 43 years old, who's homeless. Here's someone living the American dream. She gets into a car accident, lost her health insurance, lost her job, lost her home. As I said, it could happen to any one. I'm sure she had savings, credit cards etc. But an educated educator becomes homeless. http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/From_Well-Paid_Principal_to_Sleeping_on_Park_Benches_Washington_DC-117706798.html

Anyone..........

Fortunately, a follow-up story yesterday showed that individuals still have hearts for the poor and the needy. Job offers poured in. http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/DC-Offers-of-Help-Pour-in-for-Homeless-Principal_Washington_DC-117766933.html

This is such a poignant story. It could be anyone. She was making 78,000 a year.

On Poverty in the 21st Century

The co-chairs of the GMC McKenna Center hand a check to the McKenna Center's executive director, Tom Howarth, for $6,000 at the fourth annual Irish celebration on Feb. 27.

Last Monday night, I attended a session at the Father McKenna Center, a homeless shelter connected to Gonzaga College High School, to discuss the Washington area food bank, poverty and other social issues. From what I've been hearing, the face of the working poor is changing. No longer is it only people on the edge of society due to some mental affliction, or drug addition. No, the working poor are now the mothers and fathers of the middle class; and according to statistics, one in four children has no idea where the next meal is coming from. I was indeed saddened to hear of a working mother going to the Washington Capital Area Food bank because she had lost income. She had to pay a house utility bill, and fortunately knew she could get a bag of food from the food bank.

So often, it seems as if the poor is vilified as if it's their fault. We hear many people of means admonishing us to "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps." "The economy cannot afford these social programs." But many of these working poor are well educated, but at 8.50 an hour, how could that really translate into a livable wage? I remember, back in 2002, I had written a story for the Washington Afro American about a homeless guy. I couldn't believe he was making $19 an hour? And he was still homeless? We cannot castigate the homeless, and blame them for the reason they're homeless. It is way more complicated than we can imagine, according to the speakers. Anywhere from a lack of a job to mental issues to psychological issues to economic issues create the homeless population.

As a Gonzaga mother who's a McKenna Center co-chair, I've had to interact with the men who frequent the center. It's amazing to see the young men, not all minority, who are homeless. In any other situation, the men could be employers, employees, inventors, millionaires. And I know for a fact there is one former Gonzaga alum who was a former client of the center. He's now working with the director to help others like him.

I was told at the lecture that the original idea of the American dream is dead for many Americans. The dream stated if you go to college, get your education, get a good job, get married, buy a home, have children, send them to college, your life will embrace the fundamentals of what the dream was about. Yet, yesterday, financial guru Suzie Orman stated that we need to re-evaluate and rethink what this American dream entails. She wants us to stop measuring ourselves by the size of our homes or the bigger cars but to become excited by saving our money. "Not because you have all this money, you'll spend it until you have no more," she said with Matt Lauer on The Today Show. She said if you don't have enough money, then maybe your kid doesn't need to attend an expensive private college; maybe he or she should go to a community college then transfer. The middle class and even upper middle class families are feeling the pinch, as the cost of living keeps rising and incomes stagnate or reduce.

Orman is trying to help us manage our expectations for the original American dream. I wouldn't say the dream is dead. It has just changed. People with a big talents to sell--whether you're the Facebook founder, Snooki or Ted Williams with the big voice (who was homeless)--you have a much better chance of making it bigger than the millions of us who are just regular everyday folk trying to attain our piece of the dream. Notoriety sells, and so does the next big idea. But I've witnessed many regular folk still hold on, and excel. But, I'm seeing more people flounder around, dealing with life paycheck to paycheck, with such fragility that I know for a fact that most of us are just one or two paychecks away from homelessness. And that's a scary reality for too many Americans.

Delighted with today

On the Tucson Shooting

This Saturday's shooting in Tucson, Arizona, had a chilling effect on this nation. There are a couple of issues that come out from what happened.

First, it points to what happens when we allow freedom of speech and dialogue to get pushed past the envelope. Yes, the shooter was wrong for what he did. But I think he bought into some of the negative rhetoric that some political leaders have pushed as "healthy debate" and "disagreeable dialogue." A debate on the issues, I agree with. Telling folks to "reload" or to "target" any members of Congress is beyond reproach. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Public service is a choice. People do it because they generally want to improve their own living conditions as well as those around them. To be targeted for doing something that takes most people out of their comfort zone is well, just plain foolish. We can disagree. Everyone comes from a life perspective that's worth something, that's worth listening to. The shooter, at 22, could have gotten involved in the political process by joining groups and associations where his opinions could be heard; join political organizations where he can effect change from within. Trying to kill the congressmember was a puerile school-yard-bully mentality that just doesn't have a place in adult conversations. Of course, a lot of dialogue is coming out that Jared Loughner was mentally ill.

This was a great post by another blogger on the political rhetoric. http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2011/01/lets-get-this-straight.html

On another level, here we go again with the controversial second amendment, the right to bear arms. I remember a high school in Colorado, Columbine to be exact, back in 1999, when two teenagers took it upon themselves to shoot several of their classmates and some teachers before taking their own lives. I was in my late 20s back then. But I remembered thinking, "where did they get those guns at their ages." Now, I have family members in different parts of this country who own guns. They use rifles for hunting, for sport. I'm not sure if they've ever used it to protect themselves. So, on some level, I can understand the need for a gun. Living in the District of Columbia, many would argue that gun ownership is a good way to protect oneself. That, I'm not sure.

This gun shooting reminds me of some other high profile gun killings. A couple of years ago it was the Virginia Tech shooter, Seung-Hui Cho. And then, many youngsters who shot their parents and then shot other kids at school. For a while, that was common place. The one that really got to me was the recent case of Nicholas Browning, a “good” kid from Maryland, who shot his mom, dad and two younger brothers before heading out to play video games with friends. Then, he pretended he came home to a bloody scene. Wow, definitely something out of Criminal Minds. It pains me that his mom and dad, unknown to them, raised their own murderer.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28815861/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/

Check his picture out. He looked like a sweet youngster.

Killing someone in real life is not akin to a video game you could take off and start over. It's permanent and there are consequences. Unfortunately, young people with mental diseases are not all being diagnosed at the right time or even at all. It's only when they do something like Saturday's mass killing, then, the buttons are clicked or the linkages are made. More often than not, it's too late for several victims who are either dead, disabled, hurt or scarred for life. From what I've read, most of the FBI checks for potential gun owners tend to be only for arrests or problems along those lines. However, if the person has never been arrested, that still doesn't mean he or she should qualify for gun ownership. It's difficult to figure out how the gun owner would have prevented Loughner from buying one. I don't think he was ever in a psychiatric facility, unlike the Virginia Tech shooter, who still qualified for a gun.

There needs to be a meeting of the minds to discuss how one can prevent mentally ill folks and those who intend to do harm to others from purchasing or acquiring guns. Even if they do find other weapons of choice, like knives or hand grenades, I think a person will have a better chance of getting away. Ironically, Loughner was kicked out of community college, like the Virginia Tech shooter, who had some issues at school as well. Will it be a violation of privacy if colleges report to someone--maybe not law enforcement--but some other group, about the kids that are thrown out of school? Will it be a violation of civil rights? Or is there some other way for various government agencies to have a conversation, to pass along information, to protect its people--especially at the state level.

There are many layers to this. And as I enter my 40th year on this planet, there are so many things I've observed that seemed preventable. Difficult to figure out, but something needs to be done. There seems to be a lack of respect for human life and other human beings. I'm wondering where that hatred is coming from. Maybe we need a return of civility, where manners was respected, and maybe, a little prayer in school.

Financial Nuggets

A woman I consider a friend once told me to be successful, you have to make a salary above your age. Interesting. So, at 40, you should be making upward of 40 grand, if you apply her logic. And when I was 25, I should be making upward of that. Hmm. I've kept that as a goal for a very long time to always earn more than my age. It always seemed like something to look forward to. Funny, though, 25 grand at 25 seemed like a lot more money than 40 grand at 40. Maybe it is, especially in this economy.

I've been able to do what she suggested--keep my salary above my age. I transferred that to other areas too, like keep your weight under your age plus 100. For eg, if you're 40, then your weight should be roughly  140 and below. When 25, keep it at 125. Hmmm. Realistic? Probably at 25. Not so much at 40. It gets harder to keep it off. And if you're 5ft 2 1/2, 140 is kinda hefty.

One of the best things I ever did when I was 25 was to buy my first life insurance policy--a whole life. Between highschool and college, I used to sell insurance for a Vacation Insurance Program for highschoolers. It was there I saw the need. Now, my policy is almost 15 years old with a nice cash value. I've borrowed on it, used as collateral, and look forward to the nice annuity built into it where I'll get $1,000 a month for the rest of my life from 65. (Even with inflation, it might be the difference between my putting food on my table and going hungry.) Plus it's one of my legacies for my heirs as there's a death benefit as well. Even today, when my government agencies gives financial literacy workshops to the youth, I always bring it back to that. At 25, I had also started my first IRA. One rarely thinks of retirement at 25.

On Turning 40

In 2011, I will be 40 years old.

I'll take the compliments from people who say I don't look it. Yes, baby, if I can keep on looking 25 with my 40-year-old life experiences, then yes!!

With turning 40, comes the emotions of "why I didn't do this when I was 20," or "why did I do that was I was 20." At 40, I am a comprehensive compilation of all the good and all the bad decisions I made. I am who I am because of the younger me. Remember, when, back in the 20s, how invincible you were? "Shoot, ain't nothing could go wrong." "I am woman, hear me roar." "You can't tell me what to do." You better step off. 

Ah, I've certainly mellowed a lot.

I will like to use this blog--my very first--to explore turning 40, what it means. How I've changed, how our world has changed, how we've adapted to it (with all its new technology), where we're going, our perceptions, our realities. I will like to explore it all.

I turn 40 in June, so I have six months to examine this. I really want to find out exactly what turning 40 means to you. What would you have done differently, now that you're on this side of the pendulum and not that close to 20 any more.